The Wall: There's Power in Prayer

“Our prayers may be awkward. Our attempts may be feeble. But since the power of prayer is in the One who hears it and not in the one who says it, our prayers do make a difference.” Max Lucado

In the simplest, most honest terms: I stink at praying.

I always have. Growing up I had a morning prayer, a meal time prayer and a bedtime prayer; one for each setting, never varying from my script. As I got older, I didn't really enjoy praying out loud but had a sense of obligation to always do so, knowing because of my outgoing personality, and let’s be honest- my gift of gab, that people expected me to be the one to lead. I knew it was a stumbling block in growing in my relationship with Christ and so in college I asked my parents for a prayer Bible as a gift. Along every page was a column featuring a prayer for that section of Scripture. That Bible still looks like it was never opened. I could pray through music, I could pray through writing but for whatever reason I could never just sit down and talk with God.

Until my divorce.

That journey brought me to a point I was literally face down on the ground crying out to God. I poured out every disappointment, every desire, every misstep, every longing; I just laid them out as they came. And it never stopped. Days turned into weeks and weeks into months and with every passing moment I was passing on my thoughts to God and asking for whatever help he would still give me, no matter the time or place. I was experiencing conversation with God at a level I had never thought possible. My prayers were no longer lengthy monologues or recitations performed for a king on his throne but dialogues and conversations with the Man who had faced life on this sin-filled earth just like me.  The best way I can explain it is that I truly was experiencing Living Water: "Anyone who believes in me may come and drink! For the Scriptures declare, 'River of living water will flow from his heart,'" John 7:38. I was thirsty for so many things: acceptance, healing, purpose; and when I came to Jesus with this empty cup, feeling rejected, ashamed and broken, and not wanting to live, he took that from me and gave me back this Mary Poppins bottomless cup full of his truths:

"For you formed my inward parts; you wove me in my mother’s womb. I will give thanks to you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; wonderful are your works and my soul knows it very well." Psalm 139:13-14

"But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners." Romans 5:8

"And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28

Those conversations with Christ changed my life. I learned the power of prayer. And that got me excited. I thought: if God can do this in me, he can do it in my friends and in my family and even in my enemies. It was like realizing you have this tool that can save someone’s life, you've got to do something with it! But sometimes that excitement is blocked by life; we get distracted and lose our focus, we get busy and time escapes us. The excuses came but the excitement God planted didn't leave so I decided I needed something to help me become more disciplined in prayer.

In December, I had a couple friends move back to the area, and they needed some furniture. I live by myself, travel often and rarely have visitors so I decided I could give some of my pieces to them. This left me with an empty wall. I delayed getting replacement furniture but decided I should at least do something with the space. That’s when one night in conversation with God this idea for a prayer wall came to me. In the book of Joshua, God’s people took 12 stones out of the Jordan and Joshua set them up as a memorial. They were to remind the people that the Lord had dried up the Jordan so they could cross with the ark just as he’d dried up the Red Sea so they could escape Egypt (Joshua 4). I didn't have any stones but I had a wall. So I created something that would help me remember to pray specifically for others. A reminder to help them find the living water I had received and God so willingly wants them to have as well.

Just as those stones served as a reminder of how mighty God was then, my wall could remind me of how mighty God is now. He answers prayers- gosh, if you struggle with believing that just look at my life! The answers may be way different than I imagined but they are also way better. I’ll say it again- he answers prayer! But how often do we make it a priority to go to him and how often do we approach him with the faith that he’ll come through? Hebrews 4:16 says, "So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most." Too often we fail at this; we aren't boldly going. Billy Graham once said, "Heaven is full of answers to prayer for which no one ever bothered to ask." I hope I'm never the one who didn't ask!

My wall helps me make prayer a priority. In my tiny one bedroom apartment it stands at the top of my stairs in between my bedroom and the bathroom. There's no avoiding it. Every morning I wake up, I see it. At the end of the day when I get home, it's waiting for me; filled with pictures of loved ones serving and struggling, of children in need of a Savior, of the specific requests of friends pinned to a board as they come. The prayer wall has been up for over a month now and praise God, I have already seen prayers answered.

The other awesome part of it is that those prayers don't stop at the wall. That conversation is being carried on elsewhere. God is expanding our dialogues throughout the day to include the needs of others and not just myself. Growth is happening. For example, Thursday I went to the gym for the first time in two weeks and ran three miles- without my inhaler. On a good day, that's a struggle. After two weeks of being lazy, it's miserable. Usually, my mind will travel to thoughts of work or I'll focus on the TV or music, but at a mile and a half when  I was thinking I could just quit at two miles today, my mind went to a friend who currently has real estate on the prayer wall. This past week he was in Africa with Athletes in Action training track athletes in their sport and in their spiritual walks. When I couldn't breathe and wanted to quit early, my thought was, "Huh. I've got about five illustrations for our spiritual journeys from this darn treadmill!" The journey is a struggle but if we stay the course, it is worth it- Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary. Galatians 6:9. Or the journey is easier if you take your medicine; aka inhaler = Bible. Genius, right?! Instead of trying to push through by watching some worthless show, I got to pray for people on the other side of the world facing struggles I might never understand and pray for a team that made sacrifices to equip these individuals to push through and rise to the top. Two months ago I would have missed that opportunity. (AND not finished my three miles!)

Every time I see my wall, I beam- yes I've been smiling a lot lately! It reminds me of God's faithfulness in my life, and it reminds me of his faithfulness in the future. There's power in prayer and maybe you need a reminder of that. You may not have a blank wall you can fill but we all have something we see every day. Maybe it's your bathroom mirror. Maybe it's the mantel over your TV. This month I challenge you to find that one spot that can serve as your memorial, where you can place a "stone" that reminds you: God has helped me and he will continue to help me. God answers prayer!

“Pray without ceasing.” 1 Thessalonians 5:17

Adoption: The Gospel In My Living Room.

“Adoption is a beautiful picture of redemption. It is the Gospel in my living room.” 

Katie J. Davis, Kisses from Katie: A Story of Relentless Love and Redemption

For the first time in four months, as I sat on my friend’s couch, I let myself break down. The tears poured out as I told her I’d made the decision to move out and separate from my husband. I’d maintained a public presence of strength and faith throughout our whole ordeal but I now had to face a question I had never contemplated- what if God didn't restore my marriage?

I didn't know what that looked like. I grew up knowing that marriage was an earthly representation of Christ’s love for the church. I had always wanted my marriage to be a witness of that relationship. I thought surely God was putting me through this struggle as a way for me to better understand His love and use it for His glory. So many Sundays, I would cry during communion knowing how often I cheated on my relationship with God yet He still forgave me in spite of my infidelity. As I struggled to keep my marriage together, I prayed continually for the strength and humility to do just that for my husband. I thought, “God if you get us through this, we are going to have such a beautiful picture of your redemption!” I never thought, but what if You don’t?

Later that same day we met another friend for lunch and I raised that question. How will people see God’s grace and forgiveness and His redeeming plan in a divorce? That can’t be His plan. I couldn't wrap my mind around it. But they had faith I hadn't reached yet, that God’s plans are bigger than ours and He will do His work despite our sins and shortcomings. Divorce grieved Him as it did me, but it didn't mean He wouldn't use it that He couldn't show redemption in my life.

Over a year later, I still struggle when I hear references to our relationship with Christ looking like a marriage. I still believe that to be true with all my heart and am thankful for such a poetic image. But it’s a picture that has been tainted. Healing has happened but the scars are still tender, and right or wrong, it’s still an image I’m not ready to look at just yet. But what’s crazy is this past year it’s as if God knew I would need a different picture of His love to look to when my spirit was weak. My faith was still tattered enough that I needed to see His love in a physical manifestation so He provided that: He gave me adoption.

MoMo entered our lives March 2, 2012. I don’t think this timing was a coincidence. Only a week after this I would discover my husband’s secrets; my life as I knew it would change and my faith would be shaken. But God would take this little girl and show me His story is something bigger than any of us.

It didn't take long before I fell completely in love with MoMo. Her sass and energy are kindred to mine which I find thoroughly entertaining. We've bonded over our love of Disney and all things girly. It’s hard to think of what life was like before MoMo, as if she’s always belonged here. Her soon-to-be forever family has brought her into their lives, home and hearts 100 percent, as if she was their own. They've done much the same for me, allowing me to be a bigger part of MoMo’s life than I ever could have hoped for: taking her on Starbucks dates, tucking her in and saying prayer with her at night and trusting me with her care. I've gotten to watch her grow emotionally and spiritually as they shower her with love and acceptance and raise her up in God’s Word and church family. The love they have for her and she has for them has helped me grow emotionally and spiritually as well. This family has given me something tangible to look at here on earth of what God has done for each of us; they've shown me another picture of God’s redeeming love.

John 14:18 says, “No, I will not abandon you as orphans, I will come to you.”

Adoption requires a decision. God made a choice to come to us and bring us into His family.

“His unchanging plan has always been to adopt us into His own family by bringing us to Himself through Jesus Christ. And this gave Him great pleasure.” Ephesians 1:5

He brought us into His family through His Son. “God sent Him to buy freedom for us who were slaves to the law, so that He could adopt us as His very own children. And because we are His children, God has sent the Spirit of His Son into our hearts, prompting us to call out, “Abba, Father.” Galatians 4:5-6

This past month MoMo’s dad received a text from her that said: “You are the best dad I ever had.”

When I read that text and as I write it now, I still choke up. I’m not really sure how many fatherly figures have walked in and out of MoMo’s life. The instability and inconsistency she’s had to experience at such a young age is more than anyone should ever have to encounter. If she were to shut down emotionally and fight against the world around her, it would be understandable. But here she was less than two years after walking into the home of strangers calling out to her daddy, accepting His love and giving love in return.

MoMo has been surrounded with love and she has been cared for as one of their own, just as God has loved each of us and continued to care for us as one of His own. This family made a choice to bring her into their hearts and though they would probably never look at it like this, they've made sacrifices so that she could live where she is loved unconditionally and eternally. They have redeemed her life. They are showing God’s love to this little girl, to me and to so many others by choosing adoption.

God didn't stop with their story. He continued to remind me of His love through other families too. Of course there’s my brother and his wife as they prepare to adopt two more children this year, and in February 2013, two more friends would open their home and lives to a beautiful baby girl when she was just two days old. Once again, it’s hard to look back and remember life without her. I haven’t met a happier baby- so full of joy and smiles and blessing all of us with them. She now has a future of promise because she has two parents that love the Lord and love her and have chosen adoption. This family’s story is another one that radiates God’s love for us; His love for me.

That verse in Ephesians says that it was always His plan to adopt me and that He took great pleasure in doing so. It didn't matter that I screwed up and that I’m going to keep screwing up because when He adopted me, He chose me for forever and always. He said yes to loving me unconditionally and taking care of me no matter what. Before I knew my faith would falter, my Father did. And He went before me to lay out a plan to carry His child through to a faith stronger than before. He wrote a story greater than I ever could have created on my own. He gave me these beautiful kiddos to love on and this beautiful picture of adoption that shows me despite my failures His redeeming love remains. He remains. He’s the very best dad I've ever had.

See how very much our Father loves us, for He calls us His children, and that is what we are! 

1 John 3:1

Me and My Muppets

“I have a dream too, but it’s about singing and dancing and making people happy. It’s the kind of dream that gets better the more people you share it with. And I found a whole group of friends who have the same dream, and that makes us sort of like a family.” Kermit the Frog

In 1979, Kermit the Frog hopped away from the swamp he called home and headed to Hollywood with the dream of making millions of people happy.  As he treks across America, Kermit is joined in his quest by Fozzie, Gonzo, Miss Piggy and all the other Muppets we've come to know and love. Their shared dream of one day entertaining gave them an unbreakable bond of inspiration, joy and love; they became friends, and as Kermit said, sort of like a family.

Now my friends and I may not dream of singing and dancing, which believe me, everyone should be thankful for that fact!  But we do share a dream. We have this common goal of loving Christ and sharing Him with others. It really is the kind of dream that gets better the more people you share it with. We’re living out this journey of pursuing God, and along the way our paths have crossed and an unbreakable bond of inspiration, joy and love has stitched us together and made us family.

I was blessed to spend so much of this last week with my second family. After two months of mostly being on the road, gosh, I missed them! Hebrews 10:24-25 says, “And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the day drawing near.” That is exactly what this family does for me- they stir me to love and good works and they are constantly encouraging me.

Reflecting on 2013, I see how much we have honestly lived life together. It’s been so much more than sharing meals or going to church together (Acts 2:42).  We have been there to bear each others’ burdens (Galatians 6:2). We have lifted each other up in prayer; we have cried on each others’ shoulders and we have crashed on each others’ couches. We have celebrated each others’ victories together. Baptisms, additions to our families, even pointless, silly mirror ball trophies. We have pushed each other to step outside our comfort zones and grow in our faith, to use our gifts as we are called to do. I have been on the receiving end of all of this love countless times, and I have no idea why God has blessed me with such an incredible image of what His Church was meant to look like. Some of these friends are my Fozzies; we took the same fork in the road early on in the journey. Others are new additions, and though they hopped on our Electric Mayhem bus a little later down the road, they have contributed some great scenes, challenging me and encouraging me along our journey.

As I look forward to 2014, I am so excited for what God has in store for all of us. As for me, I’m looking forward to sharing our dream with more people. I want to grow our family and I’m so excited and encouraged knowing all of you do too. At the end of The Muppet Movie there are 250 Muppets in one shot… You know I love a challenge! Are you up for it??

Cheers to a new year and cheers to this family!

“I want them to be encouraged and knit together by strong ties of love. I want them to have complete confidence that they understand God’s mysterious plan, which is Christ himself.” Colossians 2:2