“In a futile attempt to erase our past, we deprive the community of our healing gift. If we conceal our wounds out of fear and shame, our inner darkness can neither be illuminated nor become a light for others.”
Brennan Manning, Abba's Child: The Cry of the Heart for Intimate Belonging
Impostor: a person who practices deception under an assumed character, identity, or name
In a world that promotes the “perfect” image, so often we abandon the truth that God accepts us as we are. We hide our true selves, presenting an impostor to our audience of friends, family, fellow church members and coworkers. We respond to “How are you’s?” with curt answers such as “fine;” or for the enthusiastic pretender such as myself, “great!” Every day we choose what face we will present to the world; some of us even choose what face we will present to God.
In Brennan Manning’s book Abba’s Child, Manning encourages his readers to accept that God offers a love far greater than we could ever imagine with no prerequisites for admittance into his extended arms. He challenges us to push past the superficial relationships that have become the norm and risk being exposed for who we really are so that we can truly experience Christ’s love. For me, that is something easier said than done. I've always been a private person; an actress in my own right, rotating masks according to the role I was expected to play. But this past year, as I've been pushed far outside my comfort zone (or rather shoved off the ledge!), I've been forced to evaluate who that’s really helping. While I’d rather just erase my past, God is challenging me to use it.
In Abba’s Child, Manning recalls Thornton Wilder’s one-act play, “The Angel That Troubled the Waters.” A physician visits the pool of Bethesda, waters known for their healing powers when stirred by an angel, hoping to be healed of his melancholy. When the angel appears he blocks the physician just as he is ready to enter the water. The angel tells the physician to turn back because it wasn't his time to be healed. The physician pleads with the angel, longing so much to be released from his emotional torment, but the angel insists that healing is not intended for him. These are the words of the angel:
“Without your wounds where would your power be? It is your melancholy that makes your low voice tremble into the hearts of men and women. The very angels themselves cannot persuade the wretched and blundering children on earth as can one human being broken on the wheels of living. In Love’s service, only wounded soldiers can serve.”
This blog is my opportunity to trash the masks and expose myself as the wounded soldier that I am. This has been an intense year of heartache but it’s also been a year of great faith. God’s story has collided with mine and this blog is my chance to let him illuminate the darkness of my story so it can be the healing gift he intended.
2 Corinthians 12:9- But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
